


to rise and fall for this

by sugarybowl



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 19:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19383187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarybowl/pseuds/sugarybowl
Summary: The denizens of Hell were still cut of the same cloth as the Heavenly Host and prone to their same bureaucracy.





	to rise and fall for this

“This is the Principality Aziraphale reporting for assignment,” the Principality Aziraphale said with much more confidence than he currently felt. 

 

“Aziraphale,” Michael said with what may have been called a smile if one was feeling particularly generous that day, “rejoice for the Almighty has made you part of the Great Plan. You are to guard the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden.”

 

Aziraphale quite liked the sound of that with all of its capital letters. If only he knew what it meant.

 

“Oh that’s...that is splendid,” he said and then  _ almost  _ bit back the question that bubbled to his lips. “Where is Eden?”

 

“It is a place on Earth,” the Archangel answered, “where the Almighty’s newest creations reside. The Humans. You are to protect them.”

 

“Oh the Humans! Yes, I have been most pleased to hear about them. But worried, also.” Aziraphale frowned. “There are only the two of them, after all. Won’t they be lonely?”

 

“It is not for you to be concerned about them, Aziraphale.” Archangel frowned back. “The Almighty has already solved that. They will procreate.”

 

“Oh.” He smiled and did not think to stifle his next question, “What does that mean?”

 

“It...you ask an awful lot of questions for a Principality,” the Archangel chastised, “It means  _ to create together _ .”

 

“And how will they do that?”

 

“Inefficiently.” Michael outright glared, producing a frighteningly flaming sword from nowhere in particular, “ Now, you are being gifted a Weapon of the Lord - this is a tremendous honor. Go on and guard the gate. Nothing in or out of the Garden unless the Almighty wishes it so.”

 

Aziraphale nodded as he took the sword in hand, worried that any further inquiries would be met with hostility, and went onto Earth to protect all of the inhabitants of Eden. 

 

-

 

Try as they might to roll around in the filth of creation, the denizens of Hell were still cut of the same cloth as the Heavenly Host and prone to their same bureaucracy. It wasn’t difficult at all to get in trouble in a place full of troublemakers and Crawly found it incredibly...disappointing. The most obvious thing a demon could do wrong was to do Good, of course, but there were other more subtle virtues one could get written up for –- like longing for home.

 

Crawly was entirely too bored to stand up for his dressing down and curled up instead, quite serpentine while some Duke or Prince or someone high up there droned on about how much time he spent looking  _ upward _ and how little Evil he had achieved. He knew the truth was that after the Fall all when the Hierarchies of Heaven had been dismissed and new titles had been handed out by order of whomever had spent more time kissing up to Lucifer preceding said Fall, the new bosses enjoyed knocking down those who used to be someone - like himself. 

 

“If you mussst know,” he tried his very best not to hiss as he found it cliche, “I am not looking toward Heaven but to the heavens which I had many of my hands in. I think they could be an excellent temptation to the Humans.”

 

“The shiny bits?” asked someone who had decided that the amount of mucus their headpiece produced was a marker of status. 

 

“Yes the  _ shiny bits, _ ” he answered as he finally stood on two feet to better have this discussion, “they can’t reach them, can they. If I can make shiny things attractive to them, what shinier things than the cosmos? And so out of reach to them. They’ll be positively filled with rage. A good Capital, that.”

 

“I don’t think Humans warrant that much thought, Crawly,” slimy-top-hat sneered, “there’s only the two.”

 

“Oh they’ll breed like rabbits,” he assured them, “and the word is Her Upstairs is very fond of them. Set four Principalities to their care.”

 

“ _ FOUR –. _ ” Their sliminess cleared their throat and changed their stance., “Crawly, I know it has been a further Fall for you than most and… I’ve an assignment befitting that.”

 

And Crawly, who had only recently received the name and had already grown tired of it, slithered slowly upward. 

 


End file.
